Probably

I didn’t come here for the girl.

On May 8th of 2006, I didn’t know a Valeria.

I didn’t come here for her and I didn’t come here for any other person. I came here for me.

I have lived a long time without her and I lived in this city for weeks without her.

But now, I don’t know if I can continue to live in this city without her. Nearly everything in this city - everything that I touch and see and smell - has been painted a different shade by her and by us. I see her at work. I see her at the lake in EUR. I see her at my apartment. My God, do I see her at my apartment.

It seems as if every piece of this city - every side street and corner and stair - has been touched by us.

Our first kiss in Villa Borghese.
The tram going up Via Flaminia to my first apartment.
The furniture store near Piazzale Flaminio.
Parking her car near Piazza del Popolo.
Dinner at Il Brillo.
San Pietro at night - “our spot”.
Shopping on Via del Corso - “Jam” and “Zara” and “Energie”.
Going to Piazza Venezia for a cappuccino and only a cappuccino.
Sitting and talking - at the beginning - on a bench on Via dei Fori Imperiali.
Termini taking the trains to Siena and Perugia.
Piazza Navona at Christmas, one week before I left.
Circo Massimo in silence, listening to each other, existing together.
The rose garden above Circo Massimo, when she called and told me she left her boyfriend.
Trastevere - all of it.
Driving on the Cristoforo Colombo.
Viale Marconi - walking and shopping, at Christmas, with big jackets.
Walking around San Paolo Basilica, knowing her.
Watching her give her thesis at her university - Roma Tre.
The McDonald’s on Viale America.
My school - where I met her the first time.
Via Fiume Giallo.
Ostia.

There are hundreds. They cover the entire city and not many hours go by consecutively without me seeing or hearing or feeling one of these. I have lived but a few weeks in this city without her and that has become painfully, painfully obvious.

I didn’t come to this city because of her.

But probably, I will leave this city because of her.