2 very long years....

...it has been.

I sit here with a beer in my hand, wanting and hoping to drink 11 more so that I can listen to some songs and cry my eyes out.  While staring at a photo of the 2 of us.  It's getting late and this has been my routine far too often for the last 2 years.  I know it's taking a toll on my body yet a part of me wants to keep on with this.

I know - we all have something like this to get over.  Everybody has this story.  But it doesn't feel that way to me.  I don't care how many times I hear it - I know that this was, and is, different.

It's different because we were in another country.  She had a boyfriend back home.  We were friends, and then we were lovers...

...shut up, J.  None of that matters.  It was different because she loved you with every single beat of her heart.  Everything she had, she gave to you.  She ignored everyone and everything around her - except for you.  Nothing was more important than you, and your love for her.

There is a photo...I cannot bring myself to delete it from my computer, although I know I must.  She is kissing my cheek, eyes closed, slightly reddish hair brushed back.  It conveys what was once our relationship, perfectly.  She, giving me everything she possibly could.  And me, accepting it.  And doing nothing in return.