What Difference Does It Make??

I mean, really. The problem with most people is that they say one thing, but DO another. Words become meaningless to them. They can spew out some blathering prose - perhaps to a friend, or a family member. Or maybe even a lover. And it means nothing. Their actions will then contradict their words.

This has been my experience - in particular with women. Perhaps they are all just so jaded by now. So many men don't know how to treat women, and so they start playing the game, too. Women become stuck in this rut of having to play along with all the bullshit, that they start their own bullshit.

What makes it worse is that I actually care. And I still believe them. I have been able to resist playing the games - joining in the bullshit that has become such a common occurence in today's world of relationships. It has been tough - as I have come across some of the worst that women have to offer so far. Maybe I'm just a moron. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic. Or maybe I'm just an optimist. Whatever it may be, it's happening again right now. I think.

Every now and then I actually break thru to the woman. The game-playing mentality crumbles and I get to glimpse into the real soul of her - the person she really wants to be if someone would just allow her the opportunity. I have also been stabbed in the back. Thinking that I had broken thru all the messiness, the girl one night pulled a 180 on me. Blindsided.

And so this current girl I am unsure of. We met amongst a whirlwind of circumstances and although it's been over 2 months now - it seems as if the winds have yet to die down. She has built up quite a wall over time and it has been difficult to actually get to her. Perhaps she does not want to been gotten to. Who really knows?

Her words tell me that her walls are crumbling. However, when the chips are down - it seems as if she is folding. Over and over again. Like I said - words mean nothing if they are contradicted by actions.

If you love someone, and you are seperated by a vast distance, what would you do?

The fight is getting tiresome, especially with no end in sight. But maybe that's the point. Just maybe, the girl is there to test you. What if, all along, she knew what she was doing? That she knew she loved you, and it was she that was doubting you? She thinks you're going to leave her, so in turn, she tests and tests and tests you in order to see if you'll still be there.

I don't know - my mind is weary from the setbacks. The tests just may be too much this time.