We all have our favorite T.V. shows and movies.
For some, they allow us to escape reality – to join an adventure or a tale far removed from our daily lives. They give us excitement and fulfillment that are otherwise lacking in this place we call “the real world”.
To me, these shows and movies fill me with a mixture of emotions. Yes – I love becoming encircled in these great stories and sagas that I wish were part of my actual life. But there’s a yearning deep inside. A yearning that is called to the surface by these tales.
I want to act.
I want to be part of the story telling. I want to step into different characters; feel what they would feel; experience what they would experience; react how they would react.
A dream. It’s a dream and it’s unrealistic. I know that – but I can’t help it. I’m reminded of a quote I once came across that really hit close to my heart.
“You don’t choose what you love. It chooses you.”
If I could choose not to want to act, I would. I would choose to want to be a doctor. A family doctor – that way you don’t have the craziness of working in a hospital, but you still get paid. However, it just doesn’t work that way, does it?
Somehow, someway, you become exposed to painting, writing, medicine, or acting. And you fall in love with it. Sometimes I lose this yearning. Whenever I get caught up in something like work or school.
Then I’ll randomly come across one of those movies or shows or characters that I love. And it just starts all over again. I love the legend of “Superman”. I know, I’m sure some of you think it’s just a cheesy comic book character. But it’s so much more than that, I promise.
He’s an outsider. Lies surround him because of who he is and what he is destined to do. The weight of the world is on his shoulders. He’s different and he knows it. His destiny is larger than even himself – it’s larger than anything else in the world in which he inhabits.
It’s one hell of a story and I love it. I love the story of Maximus Decimus Meridius. William Wallace. Kal-El.
A long shot – at best. But if you were to kill the yearning…what would happen?
Would you even be alive?
5 comments:
Without desire you might as well be dead.
Or rather, "one" might as well be dead. I wasn't referring to you personally. And yet I have found myself wishing so many times in my life that I didn't want so much...
exactly
it's an interplay between needing to have desire, in order to be "alive" - but trying to not want desire - for fear of failure
Feeling a deep, burning desire to do something - like write - is a feeling I am familiar with. A yearning to be more, a hunger to chase a dream... these are the pains of the soul that remind us that we are alive. If you want to act, you should find a way to get closer to it. Right now, it might just be by watching your favorites. One of the sources that really helped me admit my desire to write was watching "Finding Forrester". Right now, I watch with anticipation, with a sort of clenched heart, if you will, at every movie, waiting for the line that says, "based on the novel by..." and I dream about the day I see those words followed by my name. Cheesy, yes, I know. But I continue to dream, and so should you.
christa - i can see those desires thru your writing. it is very vivid. i hope you clench on to them and strive for your dreams. and a lot of things in life are cheesy - somehow, they always seem to be the best things.
trey - precisely. and precisely what i'm trying to avoid.
jennie - nice to hear from you. i'm trying very hard to hand on to my dreams. i find it difficult in this world we live in, though. i'm glad you've got a career that you love - i bet it does make all the difference. it's what i'm currently trying to figure out...
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