[Let me preface this post by saying it is a few days old and I am since feeling better about things...one more hurdle to clear...]
I feel like crap right now.
There are 3 or 4 moments from the last few weeks that keep running through my mind. I’ve tried to make myself stop thinking about them, but it is futile. Then I asked myself why I wanted to stop thinking about them.
Maybe I feel like crap right now because the last few weeks have been so rich. What is making me feel like crap? The fact that these people, these moments, these memories are now gone. If they had never existed in my life, then I wouldn’t be feeling like this, would I?
If Sara had never put her arm through mine while we were walking around downtown Rome, then I wouldn’t be thinking about that exact moment right now. I wouldn’t have thought about it 100 times throughout the day today. What is better – missing an amazing moment that you wish you could relive…or never living that moment in the first place?
It sucks right now. But these days are not the ones that last. The moments that I am now thinking about are what stay with us for all of our days. They are what endure. Maybe it will be a while before I feel better. Maybe it will be a while before another one of those moments comes my way. Maybe it will be tomorrow.
We never know what the tide may bring in…
2 comments:
I would say you're better off living the moment (as opposed to never living that moment in the first place). You can't learn from something that didn't happen, after all.
What do I know, though? I often have a hard time remembering shit that did happen to me. I'm glad you're feeling better about things. Hang in there.
morbid - i think you're right on this one.
willow - definitely. i think the key is allowing yourself to have the highs and lows. trying to keep everything steady just doesn't work. in any event...it gets easier, and i am feeling better.
JT - thanks...i already am. and no...it wouldn't be better. i want to have the highest highs possible.
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