What am I doing here?

That's a great question - one I am unsure of. 3 months ago, I never would have thought about doing something like this - writing my thoughts out. Not even in a journal, much less online for all who meander across it to read.

3 months ago, I didn't write much of anything. Ever. Since then, I have written in a journal quite a bit and written a few poems as well. Now this. We'll see if I keep it up.

2 months backpacking across Europe can change a man. I know it almost seems cliche now - backpacking across Europe. It's as if every 18-24 year old college kid with Abercrombie & Fitch written across his shirt is taking this journey. One must wonder - do they even get the point? Are they doing this simply to see how many cities across the globe they can get drunk in? Or maybe, for the guys out there - how many girls of foreign descent can they sleep with?

I saw too many tourists taking too many pictures of too many places without ever really absorbing where they were at. People take pictures of the Colosseum and then walk on as if they are at a museum of some sorts. Have they ever wondered how that awe-inspiring structure was even built? Did they ever consider how fantastic the whole place was - what with putting on gladiator matches, filling the floor with water and recreating sea battles, and God knows what else?

Those people started to irritate me. I was on this journey to recover myself. To look deep down and find out what I was really made of - what burned deep inside and what, exactly, was to keep me going for all the days of my life. The journey was unlike anything I had ever done. And it is not over. Well, the physical trip through Europe is (at least for now), but the journey of my heart and soul is not.

And so I am back home - not knowing what to do with my life at this point. The world calls to me as the deep blue sea calls to a whale. There is so much to explore and discover and experience. I have thought about teaching here in the states - so that my summers would be free to journey across this great big playground we call Earth. Or perhaps teaching English as a second language in Spain or Italy or Greece is the right path. Architecture has always been a love of mine - grad school?

My mind flashes between each path that sits in front of me, and I am reminded of a quote that a girl I once knew sent me. We fell in love and back out in a very brief, violent period of time. I don't know her any longer. Here is the quote:

“Listening to your heart, finding out who you are, is not simple. It takes time for the chatter to quiet down. In the silence of ‘not doing’ we begin to know what we feel. If we listen and hear what is being offered, then anything in life can be our guide.”

I know not where my life will lead. Perhaps the chatter is quieting down...