Sunday, November 27, 2005

"Enough. Enough now."


Cinque Terre Sunset from Riomaggiore 2
Originally uploaded by uncsuperman.

My heart has ached and perhaps it aches still. None of you know the situation I’m in and what exactly has caused this swell inside of me. Yet you all have offered support and encouragement and words of wisdom – for that, I am a grateful man. And an extraordinarily lucky one.

Thank You.

However, that will be enough public aching. Enough now. I will recall the girl’s fantastically perfect smile many times, I am sure. Bellissima. Perhaps the dreams will continue. Agonizing they may be – but I would savor them.

It hurts, yet I do not regret being in this position. I do not want to be fearful. I would rather be one of those people, as so eloquently put by Mr. Theodore Roosevelt, “who know the great enthusiasms…and who, at worst, fail while daring greatly...so that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

I want to take every single shot that I’m ever given in this life. Because we get but one chance. No one can live their life 2 or 3 times in order to make right what went wrong; to take chances that passed by the first time.

I do not want to try to convince you, or worse still, myself, that I need no one. Well, perhaps “need” isn’t the right word. I suppose that physically, all I “need” is food and water. But what about psychologically, emotionally, spiritually?

My soul craves companionship. And I’m not ashamed to admit that. No, I am proud to admit it. My life is not going to be defined by how much education I receive, how many books I read, how many pictures I take, or how much money I have.

The people who I cross paths with – people I influence and who influence me – will define my life. I do not remember what grade I was assigned on my Principles of Marketing research paper during second year of business school. But you better believe that I can recall every minute detail of that wonderful spring night I enjoyed with Abby – the night I was supposed to write that paper. We didn’t do anything naughty. We didn’t even kiss.

But she and I danced out in that gazebo like nothing else existed in all the world.

I do not remember how much money I had to loan Amanda after she lost her passport and credit cards. What I do remember is the color of the Granada sky that night we sat up at the Mirador. And the way I felt sitting beside her.

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.” – Marcus Aurelius

4 comments:

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

"My soul craves companionship. And I am proud to admit it. My life is not going to be defined by how much education I receive, how many books I read, how many pictures I take, or how much money I have. The people who I cross paths with – people I influence and who influence me – will define my life."

It's the love you have and the love others give you that is most important. Beautiful post, and I wish I knew the whole story.

Steph

Why Fuck Yourself, Horny Guy? (Sorry but I just couldn't resist, and how terrible that's the WV I got after commenting on such a beautiful and thought provoking post!... But, I'm back! ; )

Blueprincesa said...

Well, that Marcus Aurelius was a pretty smart guy.

J C said...

JT - i think you're right, and you helped me get here - my heart is appreciative

steph - "It's the love you have and the love others give you that is most important. Beautiful post, and I wish I knew the whole story."

Very true - thank you - and perhaps one day, you will know it

good to have ya back

J C said...

willow - i have learned this, thru loss, thru enlightenment, thru relationships, and thru successes

i don't know why i learned it, or how i can pass that understanding on to those people in my life, but i am thankful for it