I swear to God (I know, I shouldn't do that...), there are days when I feel like the luckiest man that has ever existed. Not in the whole world. Not even in the whole universe.

The Luckiest Man That Has EVER Existed.

Have you ever had that feeling? Walking down the street on one of the most innocent and unassuming days of your life - it hits you. This uncontrollable smile spreads itself across your face. Maybe you even chuckle a little bit to yourself, as if you know this really great secret that the rest of the world is ignorant to. It's weird and it's difficult, if not impossible, to describe.

Sure, it's really frickin cool that when someone asks you where you live, you get to reply "Rome". And it's also really cool that you got a job - teaching English, mind you - precisely one day after starting your job search. God has definitely been watching over me.

But it's more than that. It's more than living in this city so rich with history and art and culture and beauty. No...that doesn't even begin to describe the most basic level of this feeling. It's about knowing - deep down in the bottom of your heart and soul - that you are where you were meant to be at precisely the time you were meant to be there. It's about being homesick, but knowing that given the choice, you wouldn't go back home.

This Day

The ever-insightful JT got me thinking with this post of hers.
Here are my thoughts (well, copied from a book, but whatever)...

"I will live this day as if it is my last.

This day is all I have and these hours are now my eternity. Today I shall embrace my woman with sweet kisses; tomorrow she will be gone, and so will I. Today I shall lift up a friend in need; tomorrow he will no longer cry for help, no will I hear his cries.

I will live this day as if it is my last.

And if it is my last, it will be my greatest monument. This day I will make the best day of my life. This day I will drink every minute to its full. I will savor its taste and give thanks.

I will live this day as if it is my last.

And if it is not, I shall fall to my knees and give thanks."

Well, I had my new "J Holden's IT Girl" all picked out. Hilarie Burton. I'm not sure, but I think it's her eyes. Mesmerizing. She's on a show that's filmed in North Carolina - this could work! Unfortunately for me, I found out today that she's married. Buh.



So then I picked Hilarie's co-star on the show - Sophia Bush. With her, it's definitely those dimples. And she has this sexy voice.



And as you can see, she's a Carolina girl. There are none finer in all the world. And she likes puppies!! Oh I just can't resist this last picture.



Sophia is awesome - I would have her in a heartbeat. I'm still a little partial to Hilarie, though.

Feelin' Good

You know what's funny??

Well, perhaps not funny. Maybe "ironic" is the most accurate choice here.

What's ironic is how some things can be both really awesome and complete torture at the same time. As if this thing, or person, or whatever, has some sort of dual personality. Think about it - is there anything in your life that you love and dread simultaneously?

I have this student. Valeria. Don't say it how you would say it in English. Say it as if you were speaking a Romance language. Roll the "r". A little more emphasis on the "e". Perfect.

She's a Level 1 English student. Which is to say that she's not very advanced. She can form basic structures and converse if the other person uses a limited vocabulary and speaks slowly. She's a university student; whenever she needs to think about something, or look something up, she looks at me and says "Stop" - even if I'm not saying anything. She's hilarious. I have students from all across the spectrum - she is by far my favorite.

I know what you're thinking and you don't need to say anything. Sure, I've got this whole "just go for it" ideology built up here, but that ain't gonna fly in this situation. She's my student and nothing will happen while that holds true.

But this isn't about that. It's probably common opinion that I'm just a big ol' romantic who loves falling in love. Maybe. Or maybe I'm someone who just loves appreciating the things that should be appreciated.

Like the way one of Valeria's front teeth sticks out a little more than the other. Or the way Tara's hair looks like a big bundle of golden scrunchy-thingies when she pulls it back in a ponytail. Or the way Nicole used to kiss me right under my eye, on my cheekbone.

I feel good right now. I felt good riding the train back from work today. I felt proud of myself.

I think I'm gonna like it here.

Some days, I feel like my insides are about to burst.

Even here, while I'm living in this most unbelievable of places, The Eternal City. Even here, something is missing. I don't feel it all of the time. More often than not, everything is right, content.

But in those all-too-quiet of moments, the rustling is there. I can feel it, and I know it well. I feel it now - it's what is driving this post.

I can't really explain it. It's almost as if, on a very deep and sub-conscious level, I know that there is simply much more that I have to do. That my destiny is out there, waiting for me, but waiting rather impatiently. And it seems like my destiny knows that I'm here, and that I know my destiny is there. And that we both know what the other knows.

I'm not sure that I'm ready. I'm not sure that I'm ready for anything, right now. I just do not know.

You wanna hear a heartbreakingly beautiful song??

Check out James Blunt's "Goodbye My Lover"

And that's no exaggeration - it is beautiful - so beautiful that my heart aches when I hear it. Yet I can't listen to it enough.

It's interesting to realize who you think about when you hear it. Maybe a wife or a husband. Maybe a boyfriend. Maybe a lost love. Maybe an Ex.

I know who I think about.

It must mean something significant...thinking of a certain person when you hear a song like that. One of the verses is "I'd be the father of your child".

Guys - how many women would you say that to? How many of the women throughout your entire life would you say those words to?

Three?
One?
None??

I'm not sure what my answer would be, honestly. Some days it might be None. Some days...it might actually be Three.

Anyway...enough of this. Go find the song. Listen to it. Tell me what you think.

(This is right up your alley, Morbid)